Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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