He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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