I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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