Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
