if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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