do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
