If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
