If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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