come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
