Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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