so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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