Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
