u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
