You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
