Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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