my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
