The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
