Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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