Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
