The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
