whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
