how can u be prego again
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
