i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
