so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
