is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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