upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
