So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
