I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
