im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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