but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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