he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
