Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
