it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
