At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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