mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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