at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
