he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
