first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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