I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Randomize
