He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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