Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
