I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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