Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
