So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
