i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
