My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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