I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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