This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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