woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
