I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
